悲伤的力量 广西师范大学出版社
译者序 对于死亡，我想了解和谈论
绪论
理解悲伤
失去伴侣
When a partner dies
凯特琳／年近五十，相伴二十年的丈夫肝癌晚期
凯莉／三十岁，伴侣遭遇自行车意外
斯蒂芬／六十二岁，妻子突遇车祸
反思｜
失去父母
When a parent dies
布丽奇特／五十二岁的律师，母亲突发心脏病
麦克斯／四岁半时目睹入室盗贼射杀了母亲
凯特琳按下我的门铃的时候，我很好奇：她会是什么样子，她有什么故事?未见其人，先听见楼梯上传来一个温暖、充满活力的声音，带着柔和的爱尔兰口音。她进门的时候，我看见了一位微笑着的女人，红色长卷发，蓝眼睛。年近五十的她坚定地朝我大步走来，然后停下来整理她不小心踩起来的一小块地毯。
由于凯特琳口齿清晰又很幽默，而且说话很快，我花了好一段时间才看到她全副武装的外表下的脆弱。她的故事令人神伤：与她结婚十年的丈夫大卫(他们在一起将近二十年)，刚刚被确诊为晚期肝癌。在他们最近一次去医院的时候，她逼问医生大卫还能活多久，得到的答案是九至-十八个月。大卫选择了解他最短能活多久，但是凯特琳暗自认为需要更多的信息。斗志昂扬而坚强的那个她说道：“我要掌舵了，我得知道我面对的是什么。”而她在告诉我这些时哭了。因为大卫的嗜酒如命，凯特琳和他的关系很复杂，但她还是很爱他。
她最担心的是她那两个年幼的孩子，九岁的姬蒂和六岁的乔比。她还没有告诉他们，爸爸快要死了。她出现的压倒性的情绪是恐惧，强烈的恐惧：对于未知的恐惧，对于生存的恐惧，对于他们能否承受这一切的恐惧，对于金钱的恐惧，对于孩子们的反应的恐惧，当然，还有对于大卫的死的恐惧。凯特琳不知所措。她本能地想要保护她的孩子们，因为他们还很小。她本来就在孩子们面前以善意的谎言掩盖了大卫酗酒的事。她很怕大卫猝死，自己根本没有时间准备好对孩子们的措辞。我问她觉得孩子们知道什么。她说：“什么也不知道。”我告诉她那基本是不可能的，因为孩子们很聪明，他们可以立即感受到有什么事情不对头，即使他们不知道具体问题是什么。而且，事实上，她后来提到，孩子们说过：“爸爸还是爸爸，但是变瘦小了。”
我们讨论了大卫应不应该加入与孩子们的谈话，她明确认为不应该。我们商量好她先从询问孩子们对爸爸的病情知道多少开始。我告诉她，孩子们早晚需要知道真相――她不需要一下子全说出来，可以一次一点点地说。她回答他们提出的问题时必须实话实说。孩子会对他们不知道的情况加以想象，而他们的想象可能比事实本身更吓人。告知真相，他们就会信任她，在这个无比艰难和令人恐惧的过程中，知道真相是支撑他们的基石。
在后来的一次面谈中，凯特琳告诉我她是如何打破沉默，将父亲即将死亡的消息告诉了孩子们。她向孩子们这样解释：“爸爸病得很重。虽然医生大部分时候能把病人冶好，但因为爸爸实在病得太重了，这一次医生也无能为力。”他们一开始没有哭，但是当她问起孩子们担心些什么时，她哭了，然后孩子们跟着一起哭了。她让他们知道了，哭没什么，大家一起哭也是件好事。他们有很多问题：爸爸会死吗?他们自己会死吗?凯特琳的回答诚实而温柔。她说：“爸爸的身体停止工作的时候，他就会死去。我们也不知道这件事什么时候会发生，但是我会一直告诉你们真相。”然后他们像往常一样一起喝茶、泡澡、讲故事，比平时多拥抱了好几次，这让他们稍稍平静下来。那场谈话令人心碎，但接下来的几周，他们有许多这样的谈话，尽管艰难，凯特琳还是带着巨大的勇气将它们处理得很好。P3-5
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运费政策：目前，本店针对不同商品设置了不同的运费计算方式，实际运费金额请以结算页面为准，有任何疑问请及时联系官方客服（电话：400-182-6868）。
促销须知：本店所设一切促销均不支持团购，同一账号、同一地址、同一手机号、同一IP反复购买活动商品，本店有权取消订单，终结交易，请谅解。
预售商品须知：所有预售商品，在到货后会按下单先后顺序第一时间为您发货，72小时内发货完毕，如遇特殊情况稍有延迟，敬请谅解。有任何疑问请及时联系官方客服（电话：400-182-6868）。
Shipping Overview:
• Shipping: Standard Domestic Shipping within the United States charges USD 4.99. Standard International Shipping from United Kingdom, Germany and Japan to the United States charges 14.99.
• Order Processing: Please allow 1-2 business days for order processing and preparation before shipment.
• Domestic Shipping: Orders within the U.S. are shipped via USPS or FedEx, depending on the origin of the product. The average transit time is 3-7 business days.
• International Shipping: Currently, we only ship within the USA.
• Tracking Information: Every order is trackable. You will receive a tracking number once your order has been shipped. Products may be shipped from various global fulfillment centers.
Shipping Delays:
Please note that shipping times may vary due to factors beyond our control, such as weather conditions, natural disasters, or peak holiday periods. While we strive to ensure timely delivery, the exact arrival time cannot be guaranteed and is managed by the shipping carrier.
Shipping Options:
-
Standard Delivery: Most orders are shipped within 3-7 business days. Larger items may utilize LTL shipping for safe handling.
-
Handling Time: We handle shipments on business days (Monday - Friday), with a preparation time of 1-2 days.
-
Additional Charges: Some items require additional shipping charges due to their size, weight, or special handling. These charges are specified on the product pages and are not eligible for shipping discounts.
-
Exclusions: Gift cards, packaging, taxes, and prior purchases do not count toward the minimum purchase requirement for free shipping. This offer is valid only for shipments to U.S. addresses, including Puerto Rico.
Delivery Details:
-
Estimates: Standard shipping within the US typically takes 3-7 business days. These are estimates and not guarantees.
-
Shipping Restrictions: We ship to all 50 states, Washington, DC, U.S. territories, and APO/FPO/DPO addresses. Shipping options vary based on the delivery address.
-
Remote Areas: Shipments to remote areas may incur additional charges or require pickup from a nearby shipping partner’s location.
Shipping Confirmation:
You will receive a shipping confirmation email with a tracking number as soon as your order is dispatched. If you do not receive this email immediately, please be assured that your items will arrive within the estimated delivery window provided at checkout.
Order Modifications:
If you need to cancel or modify your order, please contact our customer support immediately.
Issues with Delivery:
If your order shows as delivered but you have not received it, please contact the shipping carrier directly to resolve the issue. For persistent problems, contact our customer service at cs@everymarket.com.
Customer Support:
Our team is available 24/7 to assist you with any questions or concerns regarding your order. We are committed to ensuring a smooth shopping experience.
Return & Refund Policy Overview
Please review our return and refund policies below to ensure a smooth transaction process.
Return Policy
-
Duration: You have 30 days from receiving your item to initiate a return.
-
Condition: Items must be unworn, unwashed, with original tags and packaging intact.
-
Shipping Costs: Customers are responsible for return shipping costs.
-
Packaging: Ensure returned items are well-packaged to avoid damage during transit.
-
Tracking: Use a trackable and insured shipping method as we are not liable for items lost or damaged on return.
-
Initiating a Return: Contact us at cs@everymarket.com to start your return. We will provide a return shipping label and instructions upon approval. Returns without prior approval will not be accepted.
How to Return
-
Method: Returns must be sent back by mail to the address provided in the return instructions.
Return Label
-
Defective Products: Return labels are provided for defective items.
-
Non-Defective Returns: Customers are responsible for obtaining their return shipping label.
Product Conditions for Return
-
Eligible Products: Returns are only accepted for items in new condition.
Nonreturnable Items
Certain items are not eligible for return:
-
Electronic devices after 30 days (e.g., computers, laptops, Kindles)
-
Gift cards, prepaid game cards
-
Perishable goods, live insects, some jewelry, some health and personal care items
-
Customized or personalized products
-
Items with special shipping restrictions
Refund Policy
-
Window: Eligible products may be returned within 30 days of delivery for a refund.
-
Refund Method: Refunds are processed to the original payment method or as store credit for items purchased with gift cards.
-
Processing Time: Refunds are processed within 3-5 business days after we receive the return; please allow additional time for shipping and bank processing.
Claims
Inspect your order upon arrival and report any defects, damages, or incorrect items immediately to allow us to address the issue. For claims, contact our support team with details of the issue.
Exchange Policy
For the quickest service, return your original item and place a new order for the desired product once your return is accepted.
Return Address
EveryMarket Customer Service 2101 E Terra Ln, O'Fallon, MO 63366
Customer Support
Available 24/7 for any questions or assistance needed:
-
Phone: +1 636-312-5925
-
Email: cs@everymarket.com
译者序 对于死亡，我想了解和谈论
绪论
理解悲伤
失去伴侣
When a partner dies
凯特琳／年近五十，相伴二十年的丈夫肝癌晚期
凯莉／三十岁，伴侣遭遇自行车意外
斯蒂芬／六十二岁，妻子突遇车祸
反思｜
失去父母
When a parent dies
布丽奇特／五十二岁的律师，母亲突发心脏病
麦克斯／四岁半时目睹入室盗贼射杀了母亲
凯特琳按下我的门铃的时候，我很好奇：她会是什么样子，她有什么故事?未见其人，先听见楼梯上传来一个温暖、充满活力的声音，带着柔和的爱尔兰口音。她进门的时候，我看见了一位微笑着的女人，红色长卷发，蓝眼睛。年近五十的她坚定地朝我大步走来，然后停下来整理她不小心踩起来的一小块地毯。
由于凯特琳口齿清晰又很幽默，而且说话很快，我花了好一段时间才看到她全副武装的外表下的脆弱。她的故事令人神伤：与她结婚十年的丈夫大卫(他们在一起将近二十年)，刚刚被确诊为晚期肝癌。在他们最近一次去医院的时候，她逼问医生大卫还能活多久，得到的答案是九至-十八个月。大卫选择了解他最短能活多久，但是凯特琳暗自认为需要更多的信息。斗志昂扬而坚强的那个她说道：“我要掌舵了，我得知道我面对的是什么。”而她在告诉我这些时哭了。因为大卫的嗜酒如命，凯特琳和他的关系很复杂，但她还是很爱他。
她最担心的是她那两个年幼的孩子，九岁的姬蒂和六岁的乔比。她还没有告诉他们，爸爸快要死了。她出现的压倒性的情绪是恐惧，强烈的恐惧：对于未知的恐惧，对于生存的恐惧，对于他们能否承受这一切的恐惧，对于金钱的恐惧，对于孩子们的反应的恐惧，当然，还有对于大卫的死的恐惧。凯特琳不知所措。她本能地想要保护她的孩子们，因为他们还很小。她本来就在孩子们面前以善意的谎言掩盖了大卫酗酒的事。她很怕大卫猝死，自己根本没有时间准备好对孩子们的措辞。我问她觉得孩子们知道什么。她说：“什么也不知道。”我告诉她那基本是不可能的，因为孩子们很聪明，他们可以立即感受到有什么事情不对头，即使他们不知道具体问题是什么。而且，事实上，她后来提到，孩子们说过：“爸爸还是爸爸，但是变瘦小了。”
我们讨论了大卫应不应该加入与孩子们的谈话，她明确认为不应该。我们商量好她先从询问孩子们对爸爸的病情知道多少开始。我告诉她，孩子们早晚需要知道真相――她不需要一下子全说出来，可以一次一点点地说。她回答他们提出的问题时必须实话实说。孩子会对他们不知道的情况加以想象，而他们的想象可能比事实本身更吓人。告知真相，他们就会信任她，在这个无比艰难和令人恐惧的过程中，知道真相是支撑他们的基石。
在后来的一次面谈中，凯特琳告诉我她是如何打破沉默，将父亲即将死亡的消息告诉了孩子们。她向孩子们这样解释：“爸爸病得很重。虽然医生大部分时候能把病人冶好，但因为爸爸实在病得太重了，这一次医生也无能为力。”他们一开始没有哭，但是当她问起孩子们担心些什么时，她哭了，然后孩子们跟着一起哭了。她让他们知道了，哭没什么，大家一起哭也是件好事。他们有很多问题：爸爸会死吗?他们自己会死吗?凯特琳的回答诚实而温柔。她说：“爸爸的身体停止工作的时候，他就会死去。我们也不知道这件事什么时候会发生，但是我会一直告诉你们真相。”然后他们像往常一样一起喝茶、泡澡、讲故事，比平时多拥抱了好几次，这让他们稍稍平静下来。那场谈话令人心碎，但接下来的几周，他们有许多这样的谈话，尽管艰难，凯特琳还是带着巨大的勇气将它们处理得很好。P3-5
温馨提示：本店不会以“订单异常，系统升级，未付款成功”等等为由，要求您点击任何链接进行退款操作。有任何疑问请及时联系官方客服电话：400-182-6868（工作时间：9:00-22:00）。现货商品下单后48小时内配发货，预售商品请单独下单。由于个别商品版本更新较快，我们在尽力保证同步更新商品信息的情况下，仍不可避免会偶尔出现实物与网页所示信息存在微小差别，如印次，开本，页数等，请以实物为准，介意者慎拍。特别说明：“当当价”为本店销售价格；“定价”为出版社全国统一定价。感谢您一直以来对本店的支持，我们将一如既往地为您提供优质的服务。
运费政策：目前，本店针对不同商品设置了不同的运费计算方式，实际运费金额请以结算页面为准，有任何疑问请及时联系官方客服（电话：400-182-6868）。
促销须知：本店所设一切促销均不支持团购，同一账号、同一地址、同一手机号、同一IP反复购买活动商品，本店有权取消订单，终结交易，请谅解。
预售商品须知：所有预售商品，在到货后会按下单先后顺序第一时间为您发货，72小时内发货完毕，如遇特殊情况稍有延迟，敬请谅解。有任何疑问请及时联系官方客服（电话：400-182-6868）。
Shipping Overview:
• Shipping: Standard Domestic Shipping within the United States charges USD 4.99. Standard International Shipping from United Kingdom, Germany and Japan to the United States charges 14.99.
• Order Processing: Please allow 1-2 business days for order processing and preparation before shipment.
• Domestic Shipping: Orders within the U.S. are shipped via USPS or FedEx, depending on the origin of the product. The average transit time is 3-7 business days.
• International Shipping: Currently, we only ship within the USA.
• Tracking Information: Every order is trackable. You will receive a tracking number once your order has been shipped. Products may be shipped from various global fulfillment centers.
Shipping Delays:
Please note that shipping times may vary due to factors beyond our control, such as weather conditions, natural disasters, or peak holiday periods. While we strive to ensure timely delivery, the exact arrival time cannot be guaranteed and is managed by the shipping carrier.
Shipping Options:
-
Standard Delivery: Most orders are shipped within 3-7 business days. Larger items may utilize LTL shipping for safe handling.
-
Handling Time: We handle shipments on business days (Monday - Friday), with a preparation time of 1-2 days.
-
Additional Charges: Some items require additional shipping charges due to their size, weight, or special handling. These charges are specified on the product pages and are not eligible for shipping discounts.
-
Exclusions: Gift cards, packaging, taxes, and prior purchases do not count toward the minimum purchase requirement for free shipping. This offer is valid only for shipments to U.S. addresses, including Puerto Rico.
Delivery Details:
-
Estimates: Standard shipping within the US typically takes 3-7 business days. These are estimates and not guarantees.
-
Shipping Restrictions: We ship to all 50 states, Washington, DC, U.S. territories, and APO/FPO/DPO addresses. Shipping options vary based on the delivery address.
-
Remote Areas: Shipments to remote areas may incur additional charges or require pickup from a nearby shipping partner’s location.
Shipping Confirmation:
You will receive a shipping confirmation email with a tracking number as soon as your order is dispatched. If you do not receive this email immediately, please be assured that your items will arrive within the estimated delivery window provided at checkout.
Order Modifications:
If you need to cancel or modify your order, please contact our customer support immediately.
Issues with Delivery:
If your order shows as delivered but you have not received it, please contact the shipping carrier directly to resolve the issue. For persistent problems, contact our customer service at cs@everymarket.com.
Customer Support:
Our team is available 24/7 to assist you with any questions or concerns regarding your order. We are committed to ensuring a smooth shopping experience.
Return & Refund Policy Overview
Please review our return and refund policies below to ensure a smooth transaction process.
Return Policy
-
Duration: You have 30 days from receiving your item to initiate a return.
-
Condition: Items must be unworn, unwashed, with original tags and packaging intact.
-
Shipping Costs: Customers are responsible for return shipping costs.
-
Packaging: Ensure returned items are well-packaged to avoid damage during transit.
-
Tracking: Use a trackable and insured shipping method as we are not liable for items lost or damaged on return.
-
Initiating a Return: Contact us at cs@everymarket.com to start your return. We will provide a return shipping label and instructions upon approval. Returns without prior approval will not be accepted.
How to Return
-
Method: Returns must be sent back by mail to the address provided in the return instructions.
Return Label
-
Defective Products: Return labels are provided for defective items.
-
Non-Defective Returns: Customers are responsible for obtaining their return shipping label.
Product Conditions for Return
-
Eligible Products: Returns are only accepted for items in new condition.
Nonreturnable Items
Certain items are not eligible for return:
-
Electronic devices after 30 days (e.g., computers, laptops, Kindles)
-
Gift cards, prepaid game cards
-
Perishable goods, live insects, some jewelry, some health and personal care items
-
Customized or personalized products
-
Items with special shipping restrictions
Refund Policy
-
Window: Eligible products may be returned within 30 days of delivery for a refund.
-
Refund Method: Refunds are processed to the original payment method or as store credit for items purchased with gift cards.
-
Processing Time: Refunds are processed within 3-5 business days after we receive the return; please allow additional time for shipping and bank processing.
Claims
Inspect your order upon arrival and report any defects, damages, or incorrect items immediately to allow us to address the issue. For claims, contact our support team with details of the issue.
Exchange Policy
For the quickest service, return your original item and place a new order for the desired product once your return is accepted.
Return Address
EveryMarket Customer Service 2101 E Terra Ln, O'Fallon, MO 63366
Customer Support
Available 24/7 for any questions or assistance needed:
-
Phone: +1 636-312-5925
-
Email: cs@everymarket.com
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